Clueless, but Make it College

By Miranda Wilson

Applying to College and the Dreaded FAFSA

Being that neither of my parents went to college, It didn’t really feel like I actively debated on whether or not to go, because I always thought I had to. This wasn’t in the sense that anyone was forcing me to go against my own will, because I did want to, but I always understood college as something I had to do in order to get a good job and make money. My mom being a single parent having to rely on a job that couldn’t pay her more than what her high school degree allowed was the evidence I needed. What I had to learn the hard way was that college admissions are no walk in the park.

My senior year English classes had reserved time to practice on college application preparation for the University of California schools, and although having this help during class is extremely helpful, it was also overwhelming. The application for that system is not only extremely time consuming and mentally straining, it costs $70 for each school you apply to. Thankfully the St. Norbert College application was pretty straightforward (and free!). I filled out my information, sent in my SAT score, and wrote a compelling admission essay about my mom gracefully managing single parenting. Before hearing about this school, I was dead set on the University of California, Irvine, but I had applied, visited, and chose to spend the next chapter of my life in The Great State of Wisconsin before I even needed to apply to other schools. I didn’t need to add any more headache to what was coming next.

The real trouble came when it was time to fill out the FAFSA. I have heard other first-generation students joke about how they will just try to complete it and hope you’re not accidentally committing fraud, but in my experience I can tell you that it is one hundred percent what it’s like. I felt like I was filling out the medical history chart when I went to the doctor for the first time by myself, but even longer and even more extensive. My google searches included “What is work study?”, “What is form 1040?”, “Am I a dependent?”, among other items. Luckily it was only my mom who had filed taxes for my first time completing it, so I just had to get her information. My biggest pieces of advice: USE THE IRS DATA RETRIEVAL TOOL!

While my confusion about the FAFSA led me to have tremendous concern over whether I was actually doing it correctly, I can’t even imagine how much more difficult it must be for first-generation students in situations where either they or their parents aren’t citizens or don’t have Social Security numbers, or if there is a language barrier. I grew up in an area where this was the reality for many people, and it makes me realize that I am still very fortunate to have the few resources that I did have to be able to complete it.

The Big Move

Fast forward to early August 2018, and we see that I was now starting to become panicked. I wasn’t too sure if I could go through with college. After a few days of nervousness, agonizing over whether or not it was a good idea to say anything, I confessed to my mom in between tears that I didn’t think I wanted to go to St. Norbert anymore. I told her about how the local community colleges were still letting people in and I can still try to squeeze myself in. It sounded to me like the safer option as compared to moving halfway across the country to a school in a place I still barely knew about all while paying mountains more doing it.
I was fully expecting her to explode, because we had already put so much sweat, blood, and tears into me being able to go to St. Norbert, but she actually just got me to calm down. In a few minutes, she convinced me to try out for at least a year. She said that going out and seeing a different part of the country is something that I need. I have always been very independent, and having this experience will give me a taste of what I am constantly, stubbornly yearning for.

When it was time to fly over and make The Big Move, I was feeling more sure about myself, but I wasn’t particularly looking forward to going to school. In my mind I was thinking that I just had to get through a year and I would be done. I was going to relish the freedom that I now had and make sure to do well in class. A few weeks in, college life was starting to suit me. I was settling in with a good group of friends, my classes were going well, and I was enjoying my life! I couldn’t tell you why I got lucky with my school load, because that can be a function of so many different things, but I think that a big part of my smooth adjustment to school had to do with my family. They had even less, if not just as much, idea of what to expect as I did, so the most they could do was support me. They have always told me that I can do whatever I put my mind to, and by giving me that foundation along with their excitement for me to go to college made me realize that if they believe in me I should believe in myself as well.

The Mystery World of Grad School

After two full years I can finally complete the FAFSA while only calling my mom once. Right as I got into college, though, another beast was waiting for me. My professors and my advisor would often talk about graduate school very matter-of-factly, almost like it was expected of us. I have heard that a Psychology degree was not super useful until it was a Master’s or Doctoral degree, but I had just gotten the hang of these first four years, and I never put too much thought into pursuing anything on the graduate level. If I didn’t know too much about undergrad, graduate school was a whole other planet.

Luckily (and unlike when I was trying to apply to SNC) I have so many people and resources I can easily reach, like Dr. Lopez, who was a first-generation student like myself. If I do decide to pursue a higher degree, I know I won’t have to feel as lost, but I want to give myself a few years to decide. Now that I am technically in my last year of school, I am JUST starting to think about where I may want to go, but I know everything will work out. But for now, I just have to worry about graduating.

The Hardest Part

The transition to college ended up being pleasant, especially since this has been the longest time and the farthest distance I have spent away from home. This experience is full of great learning experiences for when I become a fully functioning adult. Wisconsin is a great place; I’m still in the honeymoon phase in my relationship with the snow, my friends are awesome, and I have never had so much fun learning! Although I am very glad to be here, I do get homesick every once in a while, which is normal to everyone. I call and text my mom every day; I actually enjoy giving her updates about school and my friends. Being all the way over here gives me the ability to venture out and live my own life, but I do miss being so close to my family.

One thing I have experienced that I think is rather unique to first-generation students is guilt. My mom has worked so hard to be able to send my sister and I to college, so it feels kind of selfish being able to go off to learn and meet new people when she has to stay home and live the same life. She doesn’t get to have that life-changing experience like we do. There’s always that worry of when I go home and my family thinks that I feel like I am better than them. I’m not doing anything wrong by going, and I understand that, but I don’t want my family to think that I am going to stop caring about them while I am away at college, because I care about them so much. I want to use my degree to help them and others in my community. If it weren’t for them I wouldn’t have been able to go in the first place. Someone has to be the first, and that role just happened to land on me.

College is an extremely valuable experience, yet to some that degree can seem unattainable. It is one of the biggest investments we’ll ever make, and the rest of our lives can depend on what we do in three to five years. When they say it takes money to make money, they mean paying for college too. That weight becomes even greater when you’re the first in your family to go, because it sets the precedent for the future of your family. However, with the help of friends, coaches, college staff, and the support of your family can be that one push you need to get in, get out, and get ahead.